melisica:

(by Robert Saucier)

breadmaakesyoufat:

i just heard a bouncing noise and then that was followed by my dad saying

"oh no my potato"

escapekit:

Nightscapes

Oregon-based photographer Matt Payne creates stunning landscape and nightscape photography. Payne uses long exposures and composites to illuminate the dark night skies and to capture the motion of the stars in visually stunning compositions. 

me: I should go shower now
(five minutes later)
(another five minutes later)
(yet another five minutes later)
(more five minute intervals)
someone: (goes into the bathroom)
me: wow fuck you I was JUST about to go take a shower

siderealscion:

mALEFISHIENT, MARK

ive been meaning to make work-related comics forever, so enjoy some choice movie title bastardizations.

(these all actually, seriously, happened, with no humor or awareness on the part of the customer at the time as far as I could tell. so, yes, someone actually asked for a ticket to “Detergent” with a straight face.)

melisica:

by (x)99. 

weedjoke420:

she’s beauty and she’s grace, she dropped her phone on her face

skeletongrazed:

skeletongrazed:

what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?

one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean

radcanine:

Tell me a bedtime story

radcanine:

Tell me a bedtime story

zapidos:

My little brother and I were swimming and my dad walked out and said “it’s trash day tomorrow you know what that means” and my brother looked at me dead in the eyes and said “it’s time for you to go.”

toinfinityandbeyonce:

MY ANACONDA DONT

toinfinityandbeyonce:

MY ANACONDA DONT